Fluff rice with a fork, never stir it with a spoon.
Vaseline is the best night time eye cream on the market.
You can buy alcohol and chips with your parents’ gas station credit cards.
If you force something, you’ll break it. That could be good or bad.
It’s important to read the care tags on your clothing and follow those instructions.
Related: don’t wash and dry j. crew wool sweaters.
Changing your car’s oil is not optional.
Whatever physical objects you acquire you will one day have to put into a box and move.
You’re allowed to disagree with negative feedback.
It’s always worth reading the instruction manual.
Nostalgia, like any drug, can be a poison or a remedy.
Pets are like human friends but better in every conceivable way.
Good doctors listen more than they talk.
You can’t fix a burned roux.
Floss.
Just because someone is an authority figure does not mean they are intelligent/competent/right.
Measure twice, cut once.
Get your nice jeans and dress pants tailored by a professional.
If you’re uncomfortable wearing it you will not look good.
You’re not required to drink alcohol while in a bar.
There are a few things that cure all ills: the beach, your favorite album on vinyl, and fresh garlic.
Kindness is not weakness.
Baking soda is not baking powder.
Taking Excedrin P.M. while still in public is not advisable.
Terrible people will succeed. Wonderful people will fail. The world is not fair.
Appropriate footwear is always key.
You can absolutely be too forgiving.
Real humor punches up, not down.
Reading the assigned chapters will actually help you learn the material.
There are no adults. Everyone is as clueless as you are.
Applying eyeliner well is a timeless art.
You can always leave. Awkward dates, suffocating jobs, hometowns that you outgrow, relationships that aren’t growing in the right direction.
You can always come home again.
But it won’t be the same.
Life is too short for bad books, boring movies, shitty people, and margarine.
Never underestimate the importance of eyebrows.

misantropaculia:

http://media.tumblr.com/09b76f588350ecdfd447030145734de8/tumblr_inline_mxk2cyEH841rpx9q2.gif

(via tyrabanksofficial)

angel-and-hunters:

smaugwithablog:

wwwgoodreads:

sqwhoretle:

turntechdestiel:

thepondseleven:

harry-p-ron-w:

amoying:

nasturbate:

marshtomping:

nasturbate:

(white girl voice) wait lemme go to the bathroom

are you saying only females of the white race urinate

yes

i am an asian female and i can back this up, i havent urinated since 1902

How old r u

17

*whispers* how long have you been 17

I know what you are

Say it.Say it out loud.

WILDCATS

WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THIS POST.

(via whatdreamsmaybecome)

fackingsloth666:

who keeps clogging the toilet

(via i-peed-so-hard-i-laughed)

mrsdwightkschrute:

realest shit ever.

(via i-peed-so-hard-i-laughed)

Just because someone desires you, it does not mean that they value you.


Read it over.

Again.

Let those words resonate in your mind.

Nayyirah Waheed   (via headonyourchest)

(via simplycasual)

(via trikydevil)

What are you doing up, Nick?

unconvenience:

plot twist: your crush likes you too

(via i-peed-so-hard-i-laughed)

saddeer:

zkac:

what’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination?

HAAAAAAAAAND EYEEEEEEEEEE

i hate this i hate u 

(via cxccbrand)

ruinedchildhood:

when mom says dinners ready

(via cxccbrand)

fuck-benedict-cumberbatch:

hey friend

ur gonna be okay

go put some PJ’s in the dryer, take a long shower, put on ur warm jammies, and crawl into bed with some tea and a good book

because you are gonna be okay

(via fit-pretty-perfect)

the-captains-wife:

dutchster:

worldpeaces:

can we just take a second to realize that there are 14 year olds that weren’t born in the 90’s. just fucking let that sink in.

what the fuck does he want now

image

Thats it that’s the single greatest pun on tumblr

(via trikydevil)

jaclcfrost:

but if a playground doesn’t have swings is it really even a playground. or is it just. a disappointment

(via hey-erika)

retroactiveeurydices:

oxheadandhorsefacearedead:

retroactiveeurydices:

koalatea:

i dont need a boyfriend i need 12 million dollars and a donut 

12 million dollars can be used to obtain many donuts.

explain how

money can be exchanged for goods and services

(via moe-szyslack)